What Is Ego State Therapy?
- Melanie Sivley, LCSW
- 5 days ago
- 4 min read
Understanding Ego State Therapy and Complex Trauma
When life feels confusing or painful, it can seem as though different parts of you are pulling in opposite directions. I often use the example of “nighttime me,” the part that wants to stay up late to finish a movie. Then there is “morning me,” who wakes up tired and frustrated with that choice.
Many clients describe something similar. One part might feel angry and betrayed by a loved one, while another part recognizes that the reaction feels bigger than the situation itself. These inner conflicts are completely normal. They are part of how our minds try to make sense of past experiences, and they are exactly what Ego State Therapy helps us explore and heal.
In my work with complex trauma, I have found Ego State Therapy to be an essential part of the healing process, often serving as the foundation before moving into the reprocessing work of EMDR.
Ego State Therapy is based on the idea that each of us is made up of many different parts or ego states. These parts developed through our life experiences and hold specific memories, emotions, or traits. Some might feel like different ages, while others represent emotional states or coping strategies that once helped us survive.
You can think of these parts as different rooms within the mind, each carrying its own story, perspective, and purpose.
When Parts Get Stuck in the Past
Sometimes certain parts of self get stuck in old experiences. They continue to react as if the past is still happening. For example, a part might become jealous or fearful even when there is no real reason in the present moment.
Other parts may still be trying to protect us using coping skills that were once necessary but are no longer helpful. Think of a child who learned to stay quiet or hide emotions because expressing needs led to being belittled or hurt. Now, as an adult in therapy, you might want to open up, to feel, share, and connect, but that younger part steps in to block emotions or keep you silent. It is trying to keep you safe in the only way it knows how.
What Ego State Therapy Looks Like (At Least When Working With Me)
We usually start by identifying the places in your current life where you feel stuck. The moments when you catch yourself asking, Why do I always react this way? or Why can’t I do something different?
One of my favorite tools for this is something called the conference room. It’s a simple but powerful exercise where we imagine a conference room in your mind and invite your different parts of self to join us there. From that space, we can start getting to know them.
Some of these parts have been ignored, silenced, or criticized for years. Most of us have parts of ourselves we don’t particularly like. In therapy, we learn to understand these parts, offer them gratitude, and begin to heal them. This process helps resolve inner conflict, self-hatred, and shame along the way.
Other parts of self might sound like our caregivers or authority figures. These are called introjects. Sometimes they’re helpful—like the inner voice that reminds you to look both ways before crossing the street. Other times, they can be harsh or outdated, repeating old messages that no longer serve you. You might recognize that voice that says, See, I knew you’d mess it up or Why can’t you ever get to work on time?
Working with introjects can be challenging, but it can also be deeply rewarding. When we can befriend these parts, honor them, and give them new roles, they become allies instead of critics. (They’re coming along with us either way, but this way they’re at least pleasant to travel with.)
For example, imagine an introject that holds a lot of anger and is always ready to jump into a fight whenever it feels disrespected. The ability to feel and express anger is healthy and important. What we want to do is help that part learn when to step in and when to rest. That’s what it means to work with and update a part of self.
Healing Through Connection and Compassion
The goal of Ego State Therapy is not to erase or silence any part of you. (We couldn’t even if we wanted to!) Each part developed for a reason. Every one of them was doing its best to help you survive something painful, confusing, or unsafe. In therapy, we work toward helping these parts trust that life is different now. We help your adult self become the calm, steady leader inside your system—the one the other parts can rely on.
Over time, the parts that were once reactive or protective begin to relax. They start to understand that they no longer have to fight or hide. You may notice more space inside yourself—more choice, more balance, more compassion. Moments that used to send you spiraling might still show up, but now you can recognize what part is activated and respond with understanding instead of judgment.
Why This Work Matters
Complex trauma can leave us feeling fragmented, like we are constantly at war within ourselves. Ego State Therapy offers a way to repair those internal relationships. When the parts of you begin to communicate and cooperate, your whole system starts to move toward healing. This integration is what allows for deeper reprocessing work, like EMDR, to happen safely and effectively.
Healing does not mean forgetting what happened or pretending it did not hurt. Healing means that your past no longer runs the show. It means your younger parts can finally rest, knowing that your adult self has got them now.
Final Thoughts
Ego State Therapy is gentle but powerful. It honors every part of your story and invites all of you into the healing process. You don’t have to push parts away or “get over” them—you just have to get curious about them.
If this kind of work resonates with you, consider connecting with a therapist who specializes in complex trauma and parts work. (We have many right here at Bodhi!) The right therapist can help you build safety, understanding, and self-compassion as you begin to heal. You don’t have to face it all alone—there are clinicians trained to walk this path with you.