Maybe Nothing Will Ever Feel Like Enough. Do It Anyway.

Something weird has happened to me a few times recently. People have called me an activist. 

I don’t usually think that I am. I think of activists as the leaders and organizers who devote large parts of their lives to changing the world, who build the movements that I in turn show up and participate in. And, like many people, over the past seven months, I’ve been looking for more ways that I can show up on behalf of democracy, human rights, and my community. I’m doing more work than some people and less than many others.

But, being a therapist, I got curious about the discomfort I felt when someone called me an activist. When someone said that, I felt like I was getting credit for something I didn’t deserve credit for. Someone was saying that they perceived me to be doing something meaningful to change the world, maybe even that I am doing enough. And that’s hard to accept because I rarely feel like I’m doing enough.

But rather than seek validation from myself or someone else that I am doing the elusive enough, what I want to do is shift the conversation. What if we began to expect and accept the feeling that what we’re doing is not enough? What if this is a natural part of the experience of fighting for a better world? 

To perceive and respond emotionally to suffering and injustice takes a tiny fraction of the energy and time needed to do something about it. If we’re empathic people interested in staying even partly informed about events in the world, we take it in automatically all the time. This is amplified many times by our endless access to information and the chaos of online spaces. Emotionally, we have endless sadness and anger at our fingertips. But our ability to effect change is always finite, limited by our circumstances, our location, our time and energy, and the often slow and messy nature of organizing, social change, and even direct aid to others.

I believe that everyone experiences the feeling of not-enough, including those people in a position to devote their careers or large amounts of their lives to working for change. The fear of not doing enough, the relentless urgency of a damaged world, and the struggle with endless demands on a finite person drive burnout for too many. If even the full-time activists wonder if they’re doing enough, part-time participants like me can’t hope to be exempt.

Most of us arrive at working for change because we know it’s the right thing to do and we want to live by our values. But we’re also hoping to feel better. Less powerless. More fulfilled. More connected. And taking action does make us feel those things. But we’ll be less likely to get discouraged and overwhelmed if we have realistic expectations, and I would argue that part of that should be expecting the feeling that what we’re doing isn’t enough and learning to live with it.

The danger comes when we don’t expect that feeling, and we end up stunned by the strange disconnect between the horror of watching human beings kidnapped and jailed without trial, or beaten by masked police, or food for the starving burned, meets the banality of calling your congressperson, sitting through a meeting to plan a boycott, putting up a sign in solidarity, or attending a protest. The strangeness of this disconnect can leave you discouraged and cause you to quit. You decide that if it doesn’t feel like enough, it isn’t worthwhile. But feelings aren’t facts, and this thinking is deadly to movements for change. 

So I hope everyone will expect that what you can do won’t feel like enough, expect that it’s going to feel uncomfortable and awkward, and do it anyway. Keep looking for ways to do more of it, and keep showing up. Find your mental, emotional, and spiritual tools to exist with suffering and injustice in the world so that you can keep going. Expect to feel better, but not perfect, as you show up to do what matters.

Our country seems scary right now. If you’re struggling, therapy can help. If you’re struggling to cope, therapy can help. Reach out today for a free consultation.

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