Surviving the Holidays as an LGBTQ+ Person: Caring for Yourself During a Complicated Season
- Adrianna Powell, LSW
- Dec 17
- 4 min read
The holiday season is often painted as a time of joy, connection, and celebration. But for many LGBTQ+ individuals, it can stir up a complex mix of emotions. The pressure to gather with family, participate in traditions that feel disconnected from you, or present a certain version of yourself can create stress that overshadows the festive atmosphere. If the holidays feel heavy or complicated, you’re not alone and you’re not doing anything wrong. There are ways to approach the season with more grounding, choice, and support.
Why the Holidays Can Feel Especially Difficult
Holidays often magnify existing family dynamics. For LGBTQ+ people, these dynamics may include histories of misunderstanding, tension, or rejection. Even well-intentioned families can create stress when identity, relationships, or boundaries aren’t fully understood or respected. Feeling pressure to “fit in” or hide aspects of yourself is common and can make the season emotionally draining.
Recognizing why the holidays can feel difficult is the first step toward protecting your well-being. While you can’t always control the expectations or behaviors of others, you can take steps to care for yourself, set boundaries, and create experiences that feel safe and meaningful. The strategies below are designed to help you navigate the season with more choice, grounding, and support.
Setting Boundaries During the Holidays
Setting boundaries can help you feel grounded, safe, and in control when things feel stressful or unpredictable. Boundaries are about protecting your energy, knowing what works for you, and giving yourself permission to step back when you need to. They help you take part in the holidays on your own terms, so you can enjoy what feels good and handle what feels hard.
Consider What Feels Emotionally Safe
Before committing to any gathering, ask yourself:
Could I feel supported or at least okay attending this gathering?
Could attending this gathering leave me feeling drained, anxious, or hurt?
It’s okay to skip gatherings that might compromise your well-being. Choosing not to attend is a way to honor your needs and protect yourself.
Communicate Your Needs (When Safe to Do So)
If you feel comfortable, let someone know your expectations in advance:
Mention topics that are off-limits
Ask for support if conversations become uncomfortable
Set boundaries around how long you plan to stay
These small steps can make challenging situations easier to manage.
Navigating Difficult Conversations
You can’t control what others say, but you can choose how you respond. Try phrases like:
“I’d prefer not to talk about that.”
“Let’s shift to something else.”
“I’m not comfortable discussing that here.”
Have an Exit Strategy
Knowing you can leave if needed can reduce anxiety. Consider driving yourself, arranging a ride, or scheduling a quick check-in call with a supportive friend. Having options helps you stay in control of your experience.
Building Your Own Holiday Experience
You deserve a holiday season that feels safe, meaningful, and uniquely yours. This means creating experiences that honor who you are, protect your emotional well-being, and bring you genuine joy. The holidays don’t have to look like anyone else’s. What matters most is what feels right for you. Whether that means spending time with people who affirm you, taking a quiet day for yourself, or starting new traditions that reflect your values, you have permission to shape the season in ways that feel authentic and comforting.
Celebrate Chosen Family
Host a meal, movie night, game night, or small cozy gathering with people who make you feel seen and supported. Family isn’t just who we’re related to; it’s anyone who truly sees and supports us.
Create Your Own Traditions
Traditions are meaningful because you make them meaningful. Focus on what feels right for you, whether that’s a quiet night in, a walk in nature, or a personal reflection ritual. Some ideas to get started:
Take a winter nature walk
Enjoy a self-care day with no obligations
Volunteer or give back to your community
Have a cozy night in with affirming media
These moments give you a sense of control, comfort, and joy during the holidays.
Practice Self-Care
Taking care of yourself is essential, especially during a season that can feel stressful or overwhelming. Self-care is less about grand gestures and more about intentional choices that help you feel grounded, supported, and connected to your sense of self.
Engage in Grounding Practices
Simple practices like journaling, meditation, breathwork, or stepping outside for fresh air can help your mind and body reset. These activities aren’t meant to erase stress; they give you space to regulate, reflect, and regain perspective.
Stay Connected to Supportive People
Whether it’s chosen family, close friends, or an online community, keeping in touch with people who affirm and understand you provides grounding support. A quick call, text, or check-in before and after gatherings can help you process emotions and feel less alone.
Honor Your Identity
Celebrate yourself in ways that feel meaningful. This could include reading affirming books, watching LGBTQ+ stories, wearing something that reflects your authentic self, or creating personal rituals. Spending time in LGBTQ+ community spaces or events can reinforce your identity, especially in environments that may challenge it.
You Deserve Care and Connection
The holidays can be challenging, and feeling overwhelmed or disconnected is completely normal. Your experiences are valid. One of the strongest ways to care for yourself is by choosing environments, activities, and relationships that make you feel safe, affirmed, and supported. If the season feels especially heavy, reaching out to a counselor can help you process your emotions and build tools to stay grounded. You deserve to feel seen, supported, and truly cared for, no matter the season.
Comments